Welcome to my blog

Welcome to my blog.

31 December, 2013

[CARTOON] New Year 2014

Cartoon about death, NewYears,


2013 was kinda lackluster for me. How about you?


30 December, 2013

[CARTOON] Best New Year 2014 cartoon ever!

Cartoon about holiday, NewYears,


Well, maybe not, but perhaps it will spur some comments on my blog. Pipe-wrench anyone?

25 December, 2013

[LIFE] Merry Christmas 2013







Merry Christmas from the friendly staff at www.PastExpiry.com ! Enjoy the elevator ride to 2014:





19 December, 2013

[CARTOON] CSI Target

Cartoon about


Tip: Always use a credit card at a chain store, and not a debit card. The credit card takes the loss if someone makes illegal purchases with your card. With a debit card, they just take the money straight from your account.

Inspired by the news story (Link)

07 December, 2013

01 December, 2013

[CARTOON] What is for Dinner?

Cartoon about baby, birds, restaurant,


Edible - good to eat and wholesome to digest, as a worm to a toad, a toad to a snake, a snake to a pig, a pig to a man, and a man to a worm. [cue the Circle of Life music from The Lion King]

29 November, 2013

[LIFE] The official song of my apartment fire

Thursday night I went to bed earlier than usual since I've been tired lately. At 1:30AM the building's fire alarm went off, and naturally woke me up. Previous alarms (rare events) have been false alarms or very minor events. I waited for the alarm to go off, but it just kept going and going. Then I smelled something like burnt plastic, so I thought I'd better get up! I rarely see anyone in the hallway, but this time was greeted by what I can only describe as a 70 year old man, wearing nothing but small grey jockey's asking if I thought this might be a real fire. By the way, he had man boobs that I can only describe as strangely 'triangular'.

Well I made my way outside, and saw a heck of a lot of people that I've never seen before. And damn, was it cold. About -16 Celcius, or 3 degree Farenheit for you imperialists. I overheard that someone left something on the stove and that the firemen just needed to get rid of the smoke. I went to the coffee shop across the street, which was fairly full; some poor sod appeared to be the only person on that shift covering the counter and the drive-thru. While finishing my coffee and muffin, everyone spontaneously got up and left. I checked if I farted, but it turned out there was some signal that it was safe to go back into the apartment building.

While I was there I heard a song on the radio that is one of a few new songs I heard this past year that I liked from the first time I heard it. So here it is, the song I christen as the official song of my apartment fire (2013): Metric's Breathing Underwater



13 November, 2013

[CARTOON] Keep Calm and Carry On Rob Ford

Cartoon about Canada, drinks, meme, Toronto,


"Yes, I have smoked crack cocaine, probably in one of my drunken stupors, probably approximately about a year ago.”
- Rob Ford, Mayor of Toronto (2013)

07 November, 2013

[CARTOON] Heinz Ketchup Instructions: put on food.

Cartoon about pun, food, business, restaurant, technology, news,



Initially this started as a wry comment I left on Yahoo news story about Blackberry getting rid of their CEO. It got quite a few thumbs up, so I made it a facebook status update, which got quite a few likes, so I thought why not make it a cartoon...

30 October, 2013

[CARTOON] Black and Orange Day

Cartoon about PC, Halloween, politics


Politically correct nonsense


In many schools, Halloween has been replaced by Black and Orange Day (which stinks like its abbreviation: BO). It might be well intentioned but I believe it's severely misguided. We've gone so far with our political correctness that we don't know when to quit. I've even heard of Valentine's Day being changed to 'Red and Pink Day' in one school.

More than 75 percent of the babies born in Detroit are born to unmarried women, yet it is considered to be “politically incorrect” to suggest that there is anything wrong with that.

One group wanted people to stop saying Brain Storm because it might offend people with epilepsy. They wanted people to say "thought showers" instead.

In 2007, Santa Clauses in Sydney, Australia, were forced to revolt for the right to say “Ho Ho Ho”, the traditional laugh of jolly old St. Nick. It turns out that their employer, the recruitment firm Westaff (that supplies hundreds of Santas across Australia), told all trainees that “ho ho ho” could frighten children and be derogatory to women. Why? Because it was too close to the American (not Australian, mind you) slang for prostitute. Instead, the Santas were instructed to lower their voices and say “Ha ha ha”. Westaff relented only after the story broke nationally, deciding to leave the belly laughs “up to the discretion of Santa himself

In 2003, Dennis Tafoya, director of the LA County affirmative action office, issued a memo describing an “exhaustive search” for any computer equipment labeled “master” and “slave”. He also stated that all offending labels should be replaced with more appropriate terminology. Purchasing officials subsequently requested that all suppliers cease using labels deemed “unacceptable and offensive”—the first step of a creeping labeling ban. The county began their investigation after ONE worker saw a videotape machine bearing the labels and filed a discrimination complaint with the Office of Affirmative Action Compliance. However, “master” and “slave” are common terms for primary and secondary hard drives in the computer industry, and have been used without complaint for decades. Due to overwhelming negative publicity and a near revolt from suppliers, LA County’s Division Manager of Purchasing and Contract Services promised there would be no ban on computer equipment based on current labeling practices.

All over the country, the term “manhole” is being replaced with the terms “utility hole” or “maintenance hole”.

In San Francisco, authorities have installed small plastic “privacy screens” on library computers so that perverts can continue to exercise their “right” to watch pornography at the library without children being exposed to it.

Blackboards that are now chalkboards, yet whiteboards seems to be ok.

PETA approached the mayor of Fishkill, New York, with a demand that the town be renamed "Fishsave". They were unaware that the suffix 'kill' means stream in Dutch.

The European Parliament introduced proposals to outlaw titles stating marital status such as 'Miss' and 'Mrs' so as not to cause offence. It also meant that 'Madame' and 'Mademoiselle', 'Frau' and 'Fraulein' and 'Senora' and 'Senorita' would be banned.

Spotted Dick - a classic English dessert has been renamed to avoid embarrassment. The traditional pud Spotted Dick has been given the title Spotted Richard, after UK council bosses feared the original name might cause offence.

A school in Seattle renamed its Easter eggs 'spring spheres' to avoid causing offence to people who did not celebrate Easter.

A UK recruiter was stunned when her job advert for 'reliable' and 'hard-working' applicants was rejected by the job centre as it could be offensive to unreliable and lazy people.

The evolution of the term "Shell Shock" to what it's now usually called, "Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder".

There was one school in Utah that was forced to change its name from the Cougars to avoid offending middle aged women (for whom "cougar" is a term). Unfair and ridiculous, since the zoological definition precedes the offensive sense of the word by centuries.

Nursery schools stopped singing "Baa Baa Black Sheep" instead replacing it with "Baa Baa Rainbow Sheep". Since when have Sheep been Rainbow coloured!!??

Army personnel no longer "Kill the Enemy" they "Service the Target"!!??

Those of you that live in areas that have "Homeless People" actually they are "Residentially Flexible Individuals"

In 2006, a regional manager for The Baker's Oven, a chain bakery in England, decided it was time to modernize some of their baked goods. This wasn't the 50's anymore, by golly, and saying "Gingerbread Man" was exclusive and misogynistic. All the store employees were instructed to start calling the cookies "Gingerbread Persons". Not only that, but the manager insisted that they actually correct the customers if they dared asked for a gingerbread man.

Dragons are apparently too dangerous for children to look at. Cooking stoves and ladders are out, too. The publishers for Lindsey Gardner, a popular children's author, asked her to drop illustrations of a dragon toasting marshmallows, a lit stove, and a boy on a ladder. The company cited fears of being sued under health and safety regulations, should one extremely stupid child mimic the actions shown in the book and injure itself.


27 October, 2013

[E-Card] Winter Blues

Cartoon about winter, weather, tips, Ecard


26 Ways to Beat Winter Blues


Wear something bright. (That neon orange sweater from 1989 is calling.)

Exercise increases serotonin levels, which in turn helps banish the blues.

Install full-spectrum light bulbs at home.

Don't drink too much! Excessive drinking only perpetuates anxiety and depression. If you are prone to depression around this time of year, keep your alcohol intake to a minimum.

Indulge in cheerful conversation and amusements. (Hey, how about

Eat foods that are good sources of tryptophan: bananas, peanuts, avocados, oats, cottage cheese, turkey and chicken, fish, dried dates, yoghurt, red meat, eggs, sesame, chickpeas, sunflower seeds, and pumpkin seeds.

Omega 3 fats, which are vital for proper brain function and to keep the spirits lifted, while low levels are linked with depression and mood disorders. Omega 3 fats come from oily fish, ground flax seed, specialist oils such as Udo's oil, walnuts and krill oil.

Get more Omega 6 fats. Seeds such as sunflower and pumpkin seeds are rich sources, so try to eat these daily. Flax seed is useful as it contains both omega 3 and 6 fats.

Get a range of minerals: Brazil nuts are one of the best sources of the mood-boosting mineral selenium, while eggs have zinc which helps us feel more alert and energetic.

Get more Calcium and magnesium. They work together to help you feel relaxed and sleep properly, so eat green leafy vegetables and seaweed, which are good sources.

Get rid of stuff.

Grow something.

Read the funnies. (like Past Expiry Cartoon!)

Learn how to do something new. (like reading Past Expiry Cartoon!)

File your taxes early.

Paint a room. (neon orange)

Complete one thing you keep putting off. (like painting your room neon orange)

Get the car washed.

Eat dinner at the table.

Make a change.

Get off the Internet and do some old-fashioned indoor activity. (like cow-tipping)

Get more vitamin D

Get more vitamin B

Ditch white carbs. (White carbs can't jump)

relax and meditate

Listen to music. (Speed metal anyone?)

24 October, 2013

[CARTOON] Get a room!

Cartoon about baby, dating, relationships, Valentines,


get a room
Expression used to make fun of couples who are overly (and inapropriately) affectionate in public, and hopefully get them to stop.
Sometimes used to poke fun at friends who aren't together but always argue and tease each other in front of their other friends, by implying they act just like a couple.
Look at Jim and Mary makeing out in public again. Get a room already!
After listening to David and Sandy banter back and forth for 30 minutes. Oh get a room you two!

06 October, 2013

[CARTOON] That Elusive Spark

Cartoon about medicine, relationships, rejected, dating,



Probably the most overused cliche in dating, other than the standard 'It's not you, it's me.'

29 September, 2013

03 September, 2013

7th anniversary

Although Past Expiry cartoon has been on the internet since 2000, it was 7 years ago today this blog was started. Feel free to send gifts and make big donations...



The first blog post: LINK

01 September, 2013

[CARTOON] Starbucks Spoof

Cartoon about logo, money, spoof, drinks,


Top 10 Heartburn Food Triggers


Tangy Citrus Fruits
Tomatoes
Garlic and Onion
Spicy Foods
Peppermint
High Fat foods (Cheese, Nuts, Avocadoes, and a Juicy Rib Eye)
Alcohol
Caffeine
Chocolate
Carbonated Beverages

28 August, 2013

[CARTOON] Do you take MasterCard?

Cartoon about debt, logo, spoof, money,

Credit Card Debt Trivia
At least one in 10 consumers has more than 10 credit cards in their wallets. That’s equal to 304 tons of plastic or 61 Elephants.

It took the city of Montreal 30 years to pay off its Olympic debt of $2 billion, held in 1976!

The average American household carries between $5,000 and $9,000 in credit card debt depending on which report you review.

In 1950, Diner’s Club became the first company to offer a credit card that could be used at multiple locations. Initially the credit card was accepted at just 14 restaurants in New York. Even so, within a year, over 20,000 people were using it.

In case you’re wondering, the first BankAmericards (Visa) were made of paper and had a credit limit of $300.

MasterCard introduced the first credit card hologram in 1983 to help thwart counterfeit credit card operations.

In 1976, BankAmericard changed its name to VISA

Until 1979, MasterCard was known as Master Charge.

American Express introduced the first credit card made of plastic in 1958.

American Express started off as a shipping company in 1850

The Visa logo colors were chosen because the blue represented the sky and the gold represented color of the hills in California where Bank of America was founded.

When you use a credit card at a gas pump, the pump authorizes the purchase for something in the neighborhood of $50 first. So if you have less than $50 left on your limit, the pump will reject your purchase attempt.

Restaurants typically will authorize a credit card purchase for the amount of the bill plus 25% (for gratuity), so again, if your limit can’t handle the extra 25%, the purchase transaction will be rejected.

The expiration date on the card is “fake.” You can still use the card after its expiration date because the card number on your replacement will be the same.

The first six digits will correspond to the issuer, including the major industry identifier. 34xxxx/37xxxx are for American Express, 4xxxxx is for Visa, 51-55xxxx is for MasterCard, and 6011xx is for Discover.

Credit card interest rates in other countries can be as high as 70% to 120% APR.

The credit card industry refers to people who carry a balance as a "revolver" and people who pay off their balance in full as "deadbeats." This is because credit card companies tend to make very little money off financially responsible consumers.

24 August, 2013

[CARTOON] We need to talk

Cartoon about robots, relaxation, cliche,


Alternatives to the over-used phrase “we need to talk”:

1) Just say what you really want to say, just spit it out. There’s no need for an introductory sentence. Just be straight and to the point. Some people prefer abrasive honesty to sugar-coated words. If you’re direct and straightforward, it leaves little room for misunderstanding.

2) "Listen, you [insert favorite explicit word here]." This works especially well if the person you are trying to talk to won’t listen, is oblivious, or is running around the room with their hands on the ears saying "Blah Blah Blah".

23 August, 2013

[CARTOON] Harley Davidson

Cartoon about logo, spoof, toy


35 Symptoms of Mid Life Crisis

The following is a list of symptoms that illustrate how defining a mid life crisis is truly relative to the person experiencing the changes.

Looking into the mirror and you no longer recognize yourself.
Desiring to quit a good job.
Unexplained bouts of depression when doing tasks that used to make you happy.
Changing or investigating new religions, churches or new age philosophy.
Change of habits. Activities which used to bring pleasure now are boring. Unable to complete or concentrate on tasks which used to be easy.
It feels good to get hurt.
Wanting to run away from everything.
A desire to get into physical shape.
Irritability or unexpected anger.
Change in allergies.
Desire for physical -Free Flowing- movement (Running, Biking, Dance, Fast red sports cars, Sky diving, etc).
Exploring new musical tastes.
Sudden desire to learn how to play an instrument.
Sudden interest in drawing, painting, writing books or poetry.
Shifting sleep patterns (Typically to less).
Thinking about death, wondering about the nature of death.
Changes to the balance of vitamins you take. Or taking dietary supplements for the purposes of extending life.
Extreme changes to what you eat.
Excessively buying new clothes and taking more time to look good.
Hair changes. (Natural changes in thickness, luster, color or Assisted changes in dying hair suddenly or shaving your head bald)
A desire to surround yourself with different settings.
Hanging out with a different generation as their energy and ideas stimulate you.
Restarting things, which you dropped 20 years earlier.
Upset at where society is going. Experience a desire to change the world for the better.
Feeling trapped or tied down by fiscal responsibilities.
Leaving (Mentally or Physically) family or feeling trapped in current family relationships.
A desire to teach others or become a healer.
Desiring a simple life.
Excessively looking back to one’s childhood.
Playing again just to play!
Keep re-asking yourself: “Where am I going with my life?”
Getting fixated on new “wonder” solutions to problems.
Recently experiencing something extremely stressful. Stress can trigger a Midlife transformation. Some examples include: Changing Jobs, Divorce, Death of someone close, Chemical/Toxic exposure upon the body or experiencing a major illness.
Doing things that get you into trouble when it surprises everyone as being out of character.
Someone unexpectedly exclaims: “You are going through a midlife crisis!”
You bought a Harley Davidson

21 August, 2013

[CARTOON] How to tell if your land snail is lying

Cartoon about animals, relationships, rejected,


In terms of reproduction, the majority of land snails are hermaphrodite (have a full set of organs of both sexes) and most lay clutches of eggs in the soil. Tiny snails hatch out of the egg with a small shell in place, and the shell grows spirally as the soft parts gradually increase in size. Most land snails have shells that are right-handed in their coiling. Land snails are also compulsive liars. Now you know.

21 July, 2013

[CARTOON] Cotton Candy

Cartoon about fair, food, kids, products, summer,

It is a real bummer when your cotton candy contains 25 percent polyester.

19 July, 2013

[Life] Published in Germany

Neat. A few days ago I received a copy of a 98 page lesson plan from a company called Stark. The company is located in Germany and plans to sell 2,000 of these to teachers in German-speaking territories, for 20 Euros a copy. I gave them permission to use my polar bear cartoon, way back in January. I was surprised to find that my cartoon was not just put in for entertainment, but part of a school exercise. Who know my carton was so deep?

Cover:


Lesson:


Analysis:


STARK publishing
My Polar Bear Cartoon